That title was hard to write.  Really hard.

I am not a perfectionist!

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…am I?

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I am thinking about another document file sitting in my “draft blog posts” folder on my laptop – the one I started on the Saturday afternoon of Thanksgiving weekend as I left an art exhibit. The one I was going to write and finish and post to my blog the very next day. The one I was so excited about. The one I was going to illustrate with beautiful photos and share with my Instagram followers in abbreviated version at the same time.

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It's now nearly the middle of April and I am still thinking about that article I want to share with you. Oh, I did write something that Saturday evening and the following Sunday morning back in November. But the short and punchy article that existed so clearly in my mind wasn’t flowing through my fingers to the keyboard and onto my screen. The story wasn’t what I wanted it to be that weekend, or the 123 days that followed. That means that for the last 138 days that article has been lurking in my head, taking up important space. Don’t get the wrong idea…I have been doing other things. But the thought of it has been dragging me down, pushing other ideas and stories away. But I still haven’t completed it. Which means you still haven’t read it.  

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You might think a better title for this article might be “The Pains and Pitfalls of Procrastination” but the thing is, we all procrastinate for a reason. And there are so, so many reasons. It really is unfair how many reasons and excuses there are to procrastinate: something is too hard; a task is unpleasant; we must work with someone we dislike; the job is so large we don’t know where to start. So, I have been asking myself the “why” question for a while now. Why am I procrastinating about that article I want to write, the one I started 123 days ago? I love writing. I love how the process of writing clarifies my thoughts, it causes me to be hyper aware of my surroundings, drawing in and holding ideas and scenes and words around me like I am an ever-expanding sponge. I love sharing my work with readers. And I love the responses you send, in emails and in the comments section on my website and substack.

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The simple answer to my question, as hard as it is to admit, is that the article wasn’t exactly as good as I imagined in my mind. It wasn’t good enough to share with the world. With you. And it was worse than that. Back in November when I conceived of this article, I hadn’t posted on my blog for eight months. My subscribers were looking at eight months of nothingness. The task suddenly became laden with self-induced pressure: surely with articles few and far between, my next blog post needed to be exceptional, right?  In fact, it needed to be perfect. I should be sharing pearls of wisdom never imparted to humanity. My writing should be soooo good, it makes you want to cry or leap for joy or marvel at my intelligence and whit and talent. And those thoughts raised the stakes for each post that was, and is, still in my mind, still in only notes and bulleted list form in my “draft blog posts” folder. Those thoughts in my head are owned by a monster called “perfection” that brings with it delay, impossible goals, and doubts, and robs that joy right out of my writing practice.   

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We all struggle with perfectionism at one point or another. About a month ago, I met a woman who caused me to think quite a bit about this. Nataly is a highly successful author, mentor, speaker, and businessperson. She sends a newsletter to her subscribers every week and she has done this for more than ten years. I told her about my blog and my writing practice and she asked why I wasn’t posting more and sending a newsletter more regularly to my subscribers. I told her that I was worried that writing blog articles would take away from my current goals of writing a memoir and getting some personal essays published in literary and popular magazines and that I also worried about overexposure. What I was thinking while this was coming out of my mouth, was, do my blog subscribers really want to hear from me every week? She’s suggesting I do what she’s doing, but she has three books published, and a podcast, and she has something to say.

It was like Nataly read my thoughts and she cut right through all of that. “You have something to say Susan. All of your writing supports all of your goals. It doesn’t have to be perfect.”

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I left that conversation with renewed commitment to my blog. When I saw Nataly two weeks later, I told her she was an inspiration and yes, I was going to write something for my newsletter every week, starting that week. It felt liberating to make that commitment.

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Fast forward two more weeks and here I am. I was lying to myself. And to her (sorry, Nataly, I will try to make sure that doesn’t happen again. That’s a bad way to start a new friendship.) I didn’t write or publish an article that week. Or the weeks after. I have a file on my computer with 30 ideas and notes for articles, including the file with my November good -intentions-for-a-Thanksgiving-weekend blog post. I am not a perfectionist, I told myself. I have always been “the best decision right now is so much better than the perfect decision in a month kind of person,” I told myself. I take in all the facts, do the research, and then make a decision and move forward. I don’t second guess. I don’t regret.

I think good enough is better than perfect.

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Except, clearly, when it comes to my writing. Even though writing shifts something inside of me in a fundamentally wonderful way. It happened this morning when I sat down to write, with the sun streaming through the window and my phone turned off. I am in a creating groove right now and it’s a magical place to be.

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We all have at least one thing like this in our lives. Something we love to do. Or perhaps something we want to do. What a shame if we let the perfectionist monster infiltrate our homes, our work, our hobbies, and our dreams, blocking us from doing something new, taking chances, learning, laughing at our mistakes.

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There’s no lack of ideas in this head and heart of mine. Just a monster that pops up unexpectedly that whispers in my ear, “that essay will take a long time to whip into great shape Susan” and that laughs over my shoulder, “wow, it seemed so much better in your head.”

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And it is a head game for sure. Think of all the energy and space the thought of that article I wanted to write back in November has taken in my head. Space and energy that could be devoted to the hundreds of other ideas and inspirations I have had since. Yes, a goal of perfection, or at least more polish, is a good goal to have if I am submitting my memoir draft to an editor or agent. It’s a good goal as I work on an essay for a literary magazine. But I am trying very hard to draw the line and to carefully consider, “when is good enough, well…good enough?” And the thing is, I know I can do “good enough” because I have done it before. Two years ago, while preparing for my Blue Car road trip, I created a blog and made a commitment to publish an article each week while on my trip. I didn’t hit the goal all the time, but I hit it often, with articles that were good enough because I had to write fast – I had a car to drive and places to visit and things to do in the most exciting way. And it is hard to describe, even now, how important that writing practice was for me during my trip. It helped me process my experiences and reflections and it allowed me to share it all.

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So, my dear readers and subscribers, here is my promise to you. I am choosing to ignore the monster and focus on the way I feel and what I think when my fingers fly across the keyboard. And I hope you too, think of some impossibly high standard you have set for yourself that is holding you back from something you love or something you want to try or learn. Push that standard aside. Embrace “good enough.” In this spirit, I can’t promise each post will be perfect (In fact I can assure you they won’t be), but I can promise to post regularly and more often. And I hope you stick around to read what I have to say (that article swirling around my brain since November is up next!) and to share your thoughts with me. Nothing makes me happier than hearing from my readers!